Ill-Advised Vacation Time
by CaptainNinapants
Summary: Clint is just trying to enjoy his vacation.


Alright, I'm cleaning up all my google drive because it's the end of the school year. This is going to get cross posted on my deviantart, which you can find on my profile. Easily one of the more crude pieces I've written, but not too bad.

* * *

"Are you still dating Natasha?" Tony Stark asked as we lounged poolside in Malibu. Thor and Jane were floating in the water together, occasionally making noise and splashing each other. For the time being though, they were quiet. Probably because they were staring deeply into each other's eyes or some gushy romantic nonsense like that.

"Yeah, but she went on some top priority mission with Steve, so..." I trailed off, adjusting my sunglasses on my nose.

"She ever cheat on you when she's out on a mission?"

"Never willingly." I said, and Tony turned his head to look at me with a look of surprise. Which only lead me to wonder what he thought I was going to say.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Well sometimes she has to seduce someone and usually the victim doesn't get a home run, if you get what I mean. Sometimes we aren't as lucky." It was easy to talk about this, maybe just because it was my line of work. But I could tell the cogs were turning in Tony's head.

"So you mean to tell me she has and you don't really care." Tony rested his head and slid down into his chair. "Huh."

"Well it is kind of in the job description and sometimes it's just easier to get a guy if he's otherwise occupied." I said, taking a sip out of my glass. "Why do you even care if I'm still dating Nat?"

"Because you two are my link into SHIELD right now. They haven't been talking to me for weeks." He said rather nonchalantly. "And when you two are happy, it means you're a little more upfront about things."

"Bullshit." I blurted, causing Thor to peek over the deck of the pool.

"It's true." Tony urged. "Remember those days after New York when you and Natasha took a spare room in the tower and barely left it?"

How could I forget? Three days of 'thank-God-we're-not-dead' sex followed by a two week mission to the northern part of Canada. Of course, Tony didn't know about half of that.

"You did leave when Bruce cooked supper, and both of you were super happy. Steve asked why you were so happy, and Natasha looked him dead in the eyes and said it was because you were having great sex." We both chuckled at the memory, remembering just how floored Steve was for the first little bit about how casual the topic of sex was. But soon he was making dick jokes like the best of them. Your little patriot, all grown up.

"So you think you can get top secret SHIELD messages from Nat and I because we're still having sex together?" I was a little puzzled on how Tony arrived at this conclusion, though something told me it made near perfect sense in his mind. A larger part of my brain, however, was dreaming that Tony's money had rotted his brain and he was slowly going crazy.

"Actually, I have a theory." Tony started and you knew you were down the rabbit hole. His millionaire status wonderland made your mind cringe. Just as he opened his mouth to tell you this wild theory he made, my phone rang. Looking at the display, it was a call from Nat herself.

"I have to take this. I'll be right back." I said as Tony laughed.

"Who uses that song for their ringtone?"

I ignored him, walking onto the plush green grass of the lawn with my phone pressed to my ear. Natasha sounded positively pissed.

"Thanks for being there for me, partner." She spat, venom in her mouth.

"Oh no. What did I do now?"

"More like what you didn't do. Have you seen the news in the past few days? Checked your phone?"

"Not really. I've been busy."

"Busy doing what?" She demanded.

"I-" I took a breath, trying to put the words in the least offensive order. "I've been at Tony's Malibu house."

I could hear Nat put the phone down, take a few steps back, and hit something. I stood patiently waiting for her to return to the call, each loud noise coming from the background freaking me out a little.

"You mean to tell me that you've been making friends with Tony for the past week while I get to watch the world around me go up in flames."

"Yes." I said sheepishly, worrying about how she would take it. But if there was one thing that Natasha valued, she liked it when people were being honest with her. So I would do that and hopefully be untouchable.

"Whatever." Natasha sighed, a sign that she had exhausted her anger and now was just going to resort to being passive aggressive about it. "I'm coming to Malibu after I get things settled here and we're going to have a talk."

"Okay. Should I tell Tony, or-"

"If you breathe a word of it to Tony I swear to God Clint, I will light you on fire."

"Gotcha. See you later." I said, and she hung up without another word. I walked back to the pool where Tony sat, awaiting my correspondence.

"What was that about?" He asked, a smirk on his face.

"Nothing." I said too quick in defense of myself.

"Are you sure? It seems to me there might be trouble in paradise."

I looked at Tony, pushing my sunglasses onto my head and picking up my beer.

"Shut up."

With that, I turned and walked back to the house, curling up on my bed and mentally preparing for Natasha to come and verbally tear me a new one.


End file.
